thaaaaaaaaaanksgiving!

i'm home! i've eaten more in the last 24 hours than i had eaten basically all of last week, and it's not even thanksgiving day. i shudder to think what that will be like.

i'm so glad to be home for a time....there's just so much i need to schedule with people. there's almost not enough time to do everything! luckily, i'll be home for christmas as well, so it's kind of like a second try for everything i missed otherwise.

and i suddenly don't feel like writing anything more today.

that's ok, i'm on holiday.

developments and deviations

i have a job interview tomorrow. monday morning at 11:15. at a tv station. for the position of production assistant.

i have no idea how much it pays, or what the exact hours will be. i have no idea whether this is the answer--temporarily or semi-permanantly--to my recent problem of unemployment. i have no idea whether it will prevent me from going home for either thanksgiving, christmas, or both. and i have no idea whether it will interfere with my volunteer duties at church or my performing at the skinny.

i do know, however, that i am up for anything. if this job pays well, or even just enough, i will do it at least for a while.

i am eager, so eager, to be in God's plans. to be in his will. to be doing nothing more and nothing less than exactly what he wants me to do, and to be nowhere else than exactly where he wants me to be. i am eager, so eager, to be closer to him--in every way. to be a better listener, to be better at praying, to be better--just better in every way--and to be made that way by the only way possible....by God himself.

i want to put aside, drop on the ground, and even completely demolish my dependence and connections to everything that is preventing me from getting to that point. i may be taking some time off from the skinny, for all i know. time will tell. God, you know my desires. make them yours. take everything you want for me, and funnel it into my heart; make it completely mine, so that i know no difference between your desires and mine. you know my skills and talents--you gave them to me, afterall. if it pleases you that i use them, then please make it so. unhinge all of my preconceptions of what form the answers to my prayers will take. i love you.

on a side note:
this weekend's shows felt really good. for the past month, i've felt i've been in such a rut in my improvising. understandably so; my mind was completely engrossed with the pressures of unemployment and all the worries that accompany that state. i don't know whether my performances this weekend were rejuvenated by the prospect of a job interview on monday, or whether God granted me some grace in my creativity, but i know that i haven't performed as well as this weekend in what seems like a long time, but has in reality only been a few weeks. my mind felt a lot lighter and ready for action. oh yeah.

a second side note:
i can't help but feel that there is a growing tension at the skinny as of late. i don't know what is causing it. i can't quite put my finger on it. i do know, however, that the atmosphere around the skinny has been considerably heavier, more business-like. mind you, i didn't say more professional--i said more business-like; it feels more like a corporation and place of business rather than a theatre. almost a melancholy feel. i hope it passes soon. or even better, i hope that this is more just in my mind and perception than it is in reality. oh wells. i'll just keep doing my thing, and doing it the best way i can--doing it in such a way that others can see some of my God in me.

scatter

my brain fills up too fast as of late.  all with the same focus:  job.

(and that's 'job', as in employment--not 'job', as in the guy that a whole lot of crap happened to in the bible)

it's time for less of me, more of God.

Lord, i'm going to keep praying about this til you're sick of hearing about it.  then you'll basically answer my prayer just to get me out of your proverbial hair.  do you have hair?  i guess, in the sense of humans picturing you with hair, you do.  but is it really made of the same stuff??

whoa, tangent.

Lord, take care of me.  i'm completely in your hands.  take me where you want me.

p.s. - i'm going to start writing.  i don't know what.  probably sketches.  or stories.  or plays.  or poems.  any of those things.

so about that job...

scratch it from the record books, record-keeper!

yeah, so maybe my foray into the land of telemarketing--specifically fundraising for the republican party--was not the best laid plan.  in fact, after only 2 and a half days of training, i walked out on that job.

i've never done that before.

when the HR lady who hired me asked me why i wanted to quit already, she said, "but you haven't even started on the phones yet."

well, to be honest, i didn't want to start on the phones.  if other people can do this job and have no problem with it, then that's ok with me.  i, however, cannot in good conscience manipulate money out of people.  it just does not sit right in my gut or in my heart.

God.......um...if you have anything for me up there--specifically a job--um......now would be a good time.