Monday, December 24, 2007

merry christmas to all...

and to all...some other stuff.

i love christmas, and i love being with family, and i love seeing friends i haven't seen in a long time, and i love all the encouraging things family and friends say to me. i am blessed, and it has taken a trip back to PA and a whole lot of unemployment to remind me that God has me in His hands. God came to the earth in human form to give us hope, and i was reminded at church on sunday by my pastor that God's hope is eternal and extraordinary. whatever tough situation one may be in at any particular time, it won't last forever. it won't always be that way. God has given us hope for a bright future, not particularly in this life, but in heaven. i'm so grateful that i've been reminded of that. thank you, Lord, for bringing hope to this world as a baby. You've changed my life and will continue to change it, and that is what i'm looking forward to more than anything.

merry christmas.

God bless us, everyone ;-)

Friday, December 21, 2007

i'm going home...

tomorrow...er, today. cuz it's 3:30am. friday night is my night to go home for christmas. i will be riding in my sister's car with her, her husband, and their dog oliver. hopefully oliver will be subdued. i believe he will be, cuz they're planning on giving him something to sleep. soooo yeah. i can't wait to spend a week and a half at home, with my family all there, and all kinds of food, and fun, and presents. although i asked for everything i'm getting for christmas this year, i can only remember about a quarter of the things i asked for, so it really will be a surprise. worries of getting a job whisked all thought of christmas and presents from my mind for the past few months, but now i'm finally just accepting where i am in life and where God is taking me, and even though i don't yet have a job, i am at peace with it, and i know God will give me something when i get back.

the thing is, i've accepted the idea of a more humbling position: waiter. for the past few months, i've been unemployed, and looking back, this is mostly because of a pride issue. it's been going thru my brain that since i'm a college graduate, i should definitely be able to get a nice office job with a nice salary. i think God has had something different in mind for me, however. i realized recently that i felt entitled to such a job. almost that it was below me to consider a job like a waiter or something like that. but right now, i'm feeling completely at ease with the idea; i'm even kind of excited by the prospect of simplifying my life, stripping off some of my many commitments, and devoting a lot of time (even if it takes more than 40 hours a week) to a job. so take that, corporate america!! i don't feel the need to have a white collar job! obviously i don't want to be a waiter or something along those lines forever, but i'm excited about it right now. the only thing i have to do now is go apply wherever i can, once i'm back in town after the holidays.

i don't mind serving people in the least. at one time, i was a little turned off by the idea of having a blue collar type of job after college, but i think God has broken me down and helped me realize there's nothing wrong with serving others. in fact, isn't that kind of one of the big points Jesus makes in the new testament?? there was this one time that someone i know said to me--rather tactlessly and rudely, i must say--that if it came down to me and him being considered for a white collar job, they would be much more likely to take him because the only experience i've ever had has been in blue collar service jobs. at the time, i was really offended. and looking back, it was still a really rude thing for him to say, but i don't feel offended anymore. so what if the only types of jobs i had while i was a teenager were blue collar jobs?? aren't those the kinds of jobs that teenagers are almost exclusively hired for???

all that to say this: i am excited for what God has for me. even though i may be humbled right now to take a type of job that i wasn't expecting to have to take after graduating from a private university, i plan on doing whatever i end up doing with all the strength and hard work i can muster. i know, after all, that God sees what we do with the little things, and He then trusts us with the bigger things. who knows--this may be the very thing that prepares me for something much greater further on in God's plan for me.

so in this christmas season, when we look back upon the greatest story ever told, and we see our Savior born into very humble beginnings, it makes it easier to see that God can use us for great things even if He starts us out in a humbling position.

merry christmas, and sorry for the long post. at least i got it done before the new year.

Tuesday, December 11, 2007

so why am i more stressed now?!?

i have 2 job interviews this week. the first is tomorrow, technically today (tuesday), at 2pm. it's with a man who owns several music stores in the area and in tulsa and joplin and places like that. i was given his number by pastor troy at church because he'd approached troy asking if he knew of anyone looking for employment. i was first on the list in troy's mind, and so he told me about this man and gave me his number. it was nice of him. and so i called the man and he wants to meet tomorrow to talk about what we can do. it seems most probable that it would be a position as a salesman of musical instruments in one of his stores. i've never sold anything before. it seems like the hours would be flexible. i don't know how much it pays.

the other job interview is on thursday morning at 11am for a job at the assembly of god national youth ministry's youthalive department. i'd be an administrative coordinator, and i'd be in charge of scheduling travels and all kinds of stuff for the department director. i'd also work closely with the seven project, which does assemblies in schools about making positive choices. my sister had this job up until last friday, when she moved to a new job across the street from where this one is. it was a good move for her; and it's possible that it was a good move for me as well, since they called me to set up an interview. i know how much this pays. i also know the hours are inflexible, yet normal (8 to 4:30 type of thing).

now i face a dilemma.

if they offer me a job at this music place tomorrow, do i take it? i don't want to turn down that job, thinking i'll get the youthalive job, only to not get it then be in a worse off place than before! i also don't want to assume that either job is the right one for me.

i've thought about the pros and cons of each, and most of the pros for the music job include me being able to have a flexible enough schedule that i can also teach improv at evangel in the spring (which i want to do but don't know if God wants me to d o, at least right now), and i'd also be able to be more available for the skinny.~~~~~the cons of the music job are that i don't know that i'd like selling things, let alone musical instruments, i don't know where this type of job could lead me as far as a career, and i don't know if it's where God wants me.

the pros of the youthalive job are that my job would be benefiting the youth of this nation (which is amazing in my opinion), i'd have regular hours (which means i'd be able to do the skinny like i've been doing it but would NOT be able to teach at evangel--at least for this spring semester), and i feel like there's some sort of career path somewhere along there that doesn't just end up in more hourly work.~~~~~~the cons of the youthalive job are that it's not flexible enough to allow all my crazy young dreams to insert themselves, i don't know whether i'm ready to settle down yet at a real live grown-up office job, and i don't know if this is where God wants me either.

i know that God will guide me. i know that He will make the best of any decision i make, even if it'll just take a little longer in a more roundabout way. i know that i've been trusting God to provide me with job for about 2 months now, and now i also need to trust Him in the decision-making process as well. He will not lead me astray. He will not purposely lead me into a difficult place for my torment, but only for my testing and proving. He will not leave me alone, only leave it quiet enough to make me call out to check if He's there. He will not forget me, only run out ahead of me far enough that i reach out my hands to find Him again. Please, God, i want to trust.



as i was venting some of these frustrations to troy (who's been praying for me these whole 2 months for a job and direction), he said a lot of things to me. he was talking about several things you need to look for when making a decision alongside of God. out of all of them, this one stuck out the most:

"after all of that praying and seeking, if you still can't discern which choice is the right one, examine which one will glorify God more, and which one will glorify yourself more. after that, the decision becomes a whole lot easier, and God will honor you for your choice as long as you keep Him first."


so i don't know where that leads me in the job choice, but i know that i've got some praying and sleeping and praying to do.