developments and deviations

i have a job interview tomorrow. monday morning at 11:15. at a tv station. for the position of production assistant.

i have no idea how much it pays, or what the exact hours will be. i have no idea whether this is the answer--temporarily or semi-permanantly--to my recent problem of unemployment. i have no idea whether it will prevent me from going home for either thanksgiving, christmas, or both. and i have no idea whether it will interfere with my volunteer duties at church or my performing at the skinny.

i do know, however, that i am up for anything. if this job pays well, or even just enough, i will do it at least for a while.

i am eager, so eager, to be in God's plans. to be in his will. to be doing nothing more and nothing less than exactly what he wants me to do, and to be nowhere else than exactly where he wants me to be. i am eager, so eager, to be closer to him--in every way. to be a better listener, to be better at praying, to be better--just better in every way--and to be made that way by the only way possible....by God himself.

i want to put aside, drop on the ground, and even completely demolish my dependence and connections to everything that is preventing me from getting to that point. i may be taking some time off from the skinny, for all i know. time will tell. God, you know my desires. make them yours. take everything you want for me, and funnel it into my heart; make it completely mine, so that i know no difference between your desires and mine. you know my skills and talents--you gave them to me, afterall. if it pleases you that i use them, then please make it so. unhinge all of my preconceptions of what form the answers to my prayers will take. i love you.

on a side note:
this weekend's shows felt really good. for the past month, i've felt i've been in such a rut in my improvising. understandably so; my mind was completely engrossed with the pressures of unemployment and all the worries that accompany that state. i don't know whether my performances this weekend were rejuvenated by the prospect of a job interview on monday, or whether God granted me some grace in my creativity, but i know that i haven't performed as well as this weekend in what seems like a long time, but has in reality only been a few weeks. my mind felt a lot lighter and ready for action. oh yeah.

a second side note:
i can't help but feel that there is a growing tension at the skinny as of late. i don't know what is causing it. i can't quite put my finger on it. i do know, however, that the atmosphere around the skinny has been considerably heavier, more business-like. mind you, i didn't say more professional--i said more business-like; it feels more like a corporation and place of business rather than a theatre. almost a melancholy feel. i hope it passes soon. or even better, i hope that this is more just in my mind and perception than it is in reality. oh wells. i'll just keep doing my thing, and doing it the best way i can--doing it in such a way that others can see some of my God in me.