frustration

i think the thing that is bringing this whole episode on is the fact that rent is due in 2 days.  this is the first time we've had to pay rent since the whole roommate fiasco started.  i just don't want to live here anymore (in this apartment, specifically).  i am getting a pretty good deal in that i'm paying half the rent on a 2-bedroom and i'm basically the only one living here.

the frustration comes when i talk with my roommate and keep hearing not only of his medical issues (which i can sympathize with him on), but i also hear about his stupid--STUPID decisions regarding money.  i can't imagine he'll ever be in a good financial position, let alone anytime soon.  about a week and a half before the first medical thing happened to him, he used his student loan check to buy a $1200, 50" HDTV.  stupid.  now he has all these medical bills and prescriptions to pay for.  that sucks.  on top of all that, he has moved back to campus and is now paying for room and board on top of his rent and utilities here.  sucks.  also, he still has to pay car insurance and a car payment on the brand new truck he got at the beginning of the summer, even though he can't drive it now because of his medical condition.  sucks.  when he approached our landlords to see about getting out of the lease based on his medical situation, they told us no; we'd have to pay 4 months rent and lose the deposit--which equals out to about $3000.  sucks.  despite this, i don't think he even really tried to get out of it, and on top of that he doesn't seem very concerned about getting out of it, which just seems ridiculous to me, considering all the other expenses he's racking up right now.  stupid.  oh, and i think the thing that tipped it over the edge for me is when he was at the apartment today and told me he just bought an xbox 360.  WHAT?!?

i don't want to be around when all of this comes back to bite him in the form of credit card debt, as i'm assuming that's how he's paying for all of this, since before any of this happened i know that he had at least 4 credit cards, each with a balance on them.  i don't want to be responsible for all the rent on this 2-bedroom apartment when he comes to me and says he can't afford it anymore.

i want to get out of this lease, but i don't even know if we have any sort of a case because i haven't gone over the lease in detail and he has the only copy and he keeps neglecting to bring it over to the apartment when he comes over!

my job is stupid, i can't stand this living situation, and i wanna live somewhere else--by myself.

rant over.

no need for panic. no need for stress.

in the time since my last post, i've taken the opportunity to reflect on what was going on in my head and in my heart.  i can't say i've had any life-changing, ground-shaking revelations, but i can say this:  i am so glad to have a little less stress in my life right now.

both of the plays i was in are now finished with their runs, and i have a lot to look forward to in the coming weeks that is not stressful at all!  i took some sound advice from a good friend, who suggested that no one really likes to take the time out everyday to pray--but it needs to be done anyway.  and God will honor you for taking that time to spend with Him, even if everyday is not sunshine and roses.

i think i also figured something out about my devotional times.  i don't do well with them when i do them at night.  when i do them at night, the prayer time mostly turns into a guilt-fest of confessing all the things i'd done wrong that day and sins i'd done.  that's no way to have a relationship.  instead, i've started reading and praying the first thing in the morning--before i even stand up from my bed.  this feels a lot more natural for me.

God is good.  i am really excited now about being a youth sponsor.  i have been assigned 5 high school guys with whom to connect and build relationships.  and i really am starting to connect with them!  it's awesome what God can do through simple relationships like these.  i can tell already that there are great things in store in regards to these guys.

i need to sleep.  i finally am done with these shows, and my built-up stress is starting to melt away already.  God, thank you for this day.

a little less time, a lot moore stress

it doesn't seem like i have any time to think at all these days.  nor do i have nearly enough time to pray.  nor do i have nearly enough time to sleep.  and i say this all as i'm posting at 1am.

it just seems like the more i ruminate on "problems" i have with things and situations around me, the less at peace i feel about anything, and the more prone i am to flip out in a venting session to my friends.

it's just freaking annoying that although i constantly think of how i need to spend more time in God's Word and in prayer, the less time i actually do it.  i have less time, and more stress.  almost exponential stress.  it's like moore's law for computers:

"the number of transistors that can be inexpensively placed on an integrated circuit is increasing exponentially, doubling approximately every two years."

i feel like my stress level is increasing faster than that.  i want to spend time in God's presence, but even now, i'm not doing that.  i'm FREAKING TYPING ON A KEYBOARD!!!

i'm sorry, this is ridiculous.  i'm getting off this computer.  this is dumb.

i'll feel better in the morning, hopefully.

a lot of ketch-ing up to do...

tonight i stared a ferocious cat in the face.  never have i been afraid of cats, but this cat was fierce.  her name was kiki.  she growled and hissed at me, then looked at me with her mean eyes, then followed the movement of my hand as i reached up to scratch my forehead.  this was no laughing matter, indeed.

on to more lighthearted news...

it's less than a month now until the time i find out whether one of our commercials makes it into the top 15 in the Heinz Top This TV Challenge.  basically, heinz had a contest in which anyone could make a commercial (following some guidelines) and submit it onto youtube, for a chance to win $57,ooo.  first, however, you must be selected into the top 15.  there were just over 3,000 entries.  the odds aren't that bad, however, cuz we submitted 3 commercials.  i like 1,000 to 1 odds.  we did, however, get kind of a late start (my fault), so we don't have as many views as a lot of the other ones.  we've got to ketchup.

anyways, if you're selected into the top 15, then america gets to vote for which one is their favorite, which they do online, on youtube.  the commercials were made by me, nick semar, and jackie i-don't-know-her-last-name.  i would be so psyched if we won the $57,000.  it'd be split 3 ways, but still, that's like $16,000 that i didn't have before.

so everyone cross your fingers that one of our commercials make it, and if one does, vote the crap out of it!!  for anyone who'd like to see the commercials--and PLEASE, watch our commercials (and send the links to friends, family, and anyone you know who has an email address)--just click on these links:

"better on a burger"

"never run out"

"do you have enough??"

and for goodness sakes, enjoy them!

traffic jam?

while listening to the radio on the way to a job site today, there was an advertisement (pronounced as the british do, with the emphasis on 'ver' rather than 'ad'...but this has no relevance).

time for me to re-create it!! (although keep in mind, the text is strictly estimation, since i don't remember it word for word)

starts out, "are you stuck in a traffic jam?"....ok, normal enough...."do you need some relief from the long commute and hot sun?"....still sounds ok...."then stop on in for our 1.5 liter specials at brown derby!"--what?!?  are they encouraging people to drink and drive????

ironic moment of the night:  commercial finishes as normally as can be expected, then the radio host immediately goes into a traffic report, "keep an eye out on your commute home as there has been a traffic accident at glenstone and cherry."....ironic part of that whole thing??--there's a brown derby liquor store not far from there.

looks like someone else had already heard the commercial.

lakes may not be the ideal choice for weekend travellers.  or actually they may be just that, come to think of it.

*sidenote: the spell check just told me "travellers" is spelled wrong.  it also told me the same thing the second time just now.  i would like to set the record straight by letting everyone know that i don't care, and i intentionally left it misspelled, in both cases.

*end sidenote*

in any case, i'd never been to a lake in missouri in the 4 years i've lived here.  mostly i think it's because i was always gone during the prime lake season--(summer... for those who don't know what the prime lake season is)--but i don't know if that's an accurate assumption.  case in point, i was here all this summer, yet it took me until labor day (the unofficial end of summer) to get out to one.

my lake of choice today was table rock lake, though i didn't choose it.  it's actually quite beautiful, and i had a great time.  it was fun being with my friends, as well as a few friends with whom i'd never really hung out before.  i realized a few things today, however:

1. i am by no means a strong swimmer. by the time i'd reached the buoy line where my friends were, they had had enough time to take out a second mortgage, in addition to the first one they also applied for in that time and had been paying on for several years (the second one was to cover some minor home improvement projects). also, i was dead tired by the time i got out there.
2. i am very good at tipping canoes. this was unintentional...of course. the two girls in the canoe already (dana and liz) were convinced that i could get in without error, andhad already started trying to convince me of this as well. before even attempting it, however, i could foresee that this wasn't going to end well. sure enough, it tipped, they were thrown clear, and the canoe was 3/4 filled with water. fun times.
3. i am not fond of walking on gravel in bare feet. the shore of the lake, from the sand to the water and even well into the water, was all gravel. enough said.

with all of these learning experiences happening before my very eyes and under my very feet, it was hard not to think of it as a school day. ironic, since i am both no longer in school, and today was labor day, on which all the schools were off classes anyways. i guess i could be considered a student of life.

one more bit of irony....labor day is intended to honor and celebrate laborers and other workers in this country. ironic, then, that on labor day, all of the white collar workers are off, while all of the blue collar workers (whom this day is really intended to honor) all have to work to facilitate the increased shopping and eating-out of the white collar workers who have the day off. interesting.

well i'm gonna go to sleep so i can get up and labor over some video projectors.

*edit*: i am not yet familiar enough with the formatting tools on blogger to really master them, hence some of the screwy formatting on this particular post.**

it's a mystery

i was thinking that i'm really lucky that i get to be a part of such an awesome show once a month (the mystery hour). i've started to realize more and more, however, that it's not luck. what i mean is that it's not just chance that i'm getting to be involved with such amazing talents and fun times. God has had me in His hands for my entire life, but i'm only starting to see now how far-reaching that is.

I can say one thing for certain--the mystery hour is one of the coolest things to hit springfield in a long time, and i'm mucho privileged to be in the company of these great minds of comedy and entertainment, not to mention just how wonderful a person mystery jeff is.

sometimes i wonder if this will lead to bigger things: it almost seems like we're on the road to a big break, but obviously there's no way of possibly knowing that. i think that making movies or doing comedy or making comedy movies with my friends would have to be one of my biggest dreams. after making such critically acclaimed hits such as "zoom" and "konie's hedge", there's no question that my film-making career is off to a promising start....maybe, haha.

well, here's to awkward moments of the night.