so why am i more stressed now?!?

i have 2 job interviews this week. the first is tomorrow, technically today (tuesday), at 2pm. it's with a man who owns several music stores in the area and in tulsa and joplin and places like that. i was given his number by pastor troy at church because he'd approached troy asking if he knew of anyone looking for employment. i was first on the list in troy's mind, and so he told me about this man and gave me his number. it was nice of him. and so i called the man and he wants to meet tomorrow to talk about what we can do. it seems most probable that it would be a position as a salesman of musical instruments in one of his stores. i've never sold anything before. it seems like the hours would be flexible. i don't know how much it pays.

the other job interview is on thursday morning at 11am for a job at the assembly of god national youth ministry's youthalive department. i'd be an administrative coordinator, and i'd be in charge of scheduling travels and all kinds of stuff for the department director. i'd also work closely with the seven project, which does assemblies in schools about making positive choices. my sister had this job up until last friday, when she moved to a new job across the street from where this one is. it was a good move for her; and it's possible that it was a good move for me as well, since they called me to set up an interview. i know how much this pays. i also know the hours are inflexible, yet normal (8 to 4:30 type of thing).

now i face a dilemma.

if they offer me a job at this music place tomorrow, do i take it? i don't want to turn down that job, thinking i'll get the youthalive job, only to not get it then be in a worse off place than before! i also don't want to assume that either job is the right one for me.

i've thought about the pros and cons of each, and most of the pros for the music job include me being able to have a flexible enough schedule that i can also teach improv at evangel in the spring (which i want to do but don't know if God wants me to d o, at least right now), and i'd also be able to be more available for the skinny.~~~~~the cons of the music job are that i don't know that i'd like selling things, let alone musical instruments, i don't know where this type of job could lead me as far as a career, and i don't know if it's where God wants me.

the pros of the youthalive job are that my job would be benefiting the youth of this nation (which is amazing in my opinion), i'd have regular hours (which means i'd be able to do the skinny like i've been doing it but would NOT be able to teach at evangel--at least for this spring semester), and i feel like there's some sort of career path somewhere along there that doesn't just end up in more hourly work.~~~~~~the cons of the youthalive job are that it's not flexible enough to allow all my crazy young dreams to insert themselves, i don't know whether i'm ready to settle down yet at a real live grown-up office job, and i don't know if this is where God wants me either.

i know that God will guide me. i know that He will make the best of any decision i make, even if it'll just take a little longer in a more roundabout way. i know that i've been trusting God to provide me with job for about 2 months now, and now i also need to trust Him in the decision-making process as well. He will not lead me astray. He will not purposely lead me into a difficult place for my torment, but only for my testing and proving. He will not leave me alone, only leave it quiet enough to make me call out to check if He's there. He will not forget me, only run out ahead of me far enough that i reach out my hands to find Him again. Please, God, i want to trust.



as i was venting some of these frustrations to troy (who's been praying for me these whole 2 months for a job and direction), he said a lot of things to me. he was talking about several things you need to look for when making a decision alongside of God. out of all of them, this one stuck out the most:

"after all of that praying and seeking, if you still can't discern which choice is the right one, examine which one will glorify God more, and which one will glorify yourself more. after that, the decision becomes a whole lot easier, and God will honor you for your choice as long as you keep Him first."


so i don't know where that leads me in the job choice, but i know that i've got some praying and sleeping and praying to do.